Quote Madness: Bossypants

Quote Madness is a feature here at Random Reads where I share some of my favourite quotes! Inspired by So Quotable at So Obsessed With. :)

I finished Bossypants by Tina Fey yesterday and I thoroughly enjoyed it. While I knew I didn't want to write a review for it (because it's a memoir and how do you review those?), I also knew that I wanted to share the sheer awesomeness of this book with y'all. And what better way to do it than through quotes? Especially when everyone knows that comedians often come up with some of the best quotes ever. (See here, Bossypants won the 2011 Goodreads Choice award for Best Humor. The jury has spoken!) Here are some of the most memorable quotes from Bossypants:

“But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”

“To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.”

“By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your fucking life.”

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.”

“You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.”